Tuesday, May 1, 2012


Discipline As M.I. and I move toward a time when we live together under one roof, I look more and more toward domestic discipline as a model that I think would put our relationship in it's proper track so to speak. I yearn for a firm dominant hand in my relationship and she is bent toward having control but her own fears and anxieties prevent her from acting at times or often acting in ways that push me away or make me feel less worthy rather than more cherished. We are picking out paint and flooring and I want her to give me some choice but I know she has to be pleased as well. I want her to trust me to please her. But if I pick out something she does not like, I need her to let me know what it is that would make her happy. In other areas of our deepening relationship I want her to be more commanding. If I don't respond appropriately, I want her discipline. Tell me how I should respond and punish me when I don't do as I should. When I say punish, I mean make me think about what it is that I should be doing to please you M.I. whether that is sitting silently or being turned over for a hard spanking or being sent to my room. Think about what pleases you M.I, and tell me it's important that I do these things for you, whether it's wearing something you like, doing an errand for you, giving you a foot massage or back massage or neck massage, or getting up to feed the kitties and make coffee. Maybe it's something else. Let me know. I want to do it. Reward me then and punish me if I disregard, disrespect, disappoint. Take me in hand and show me you cherish your submissive girl.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


I've gained weight and my knee is not cooperating. I have other issues too that keep me from doing what I have visions of in my dreams, my fantasies. I map things out and it doesn't happen because my knee is swollen or I'm having immunity issues.

I want to spread your legs and lick and suck like a good girl. I want to kneel at the edge of the ottoman and massage your feet, patiently waiting for the sign that you are satisfied. I want to get on all fours and feel you riding me until we both cum.

Often, we can retreat into the fantasy, our whispers to each other and the heat between us suffice. Yet sometimes, the urge is so strong to have what we want when we want it, that reality and fantasy collide making us frustrated, disappointed perhaps.

This is when I long for your discipline and care. Make me feel like your subject even though I often can't perform as you or I would desire. Take out the belt, the hairbrush..make me choose. Let me feel the physical release of this failing desire.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

opening up

I have a difficult time climaxing when my partner is touching me, giving me oral sex, or just fucking me in general. It just doesn't happen that often. I usually and almost always have to finish with my own hand. The problem, I'm sure is in my head, and the problem is sometimes bigger than some people can tolerate. It led to bed death in one relationship and of course that led to more than bed death which I think is one of the worse things that can ever happen including infidelity. The problem has never stopped me from enjoying sex and indeed has probably led to some marathon sessions because my partners want to try again and again and so do I. I also firmly believe that most of what happens when the sex is hot hot hot is at least 69% between the ears, in the brain. Imagination and desire fuel the best sex I've ever had and led me to kink and keeps me firmly planted there.

So, my partner needed to do this for me, she says. I know I needed to give it to her which is more the point. This is really about displaying my desire for her within her complete control, including my orgasm.

We are laying in bed and talking and touching and she has played with me most of the night and I have touched her the way she likes and i'm feeling very soft and then I feel her leg pull mine aside and she pushes my legs apart and whispers to me to keep them spread. She wants me open and she touches me softly, my lips, the soft opening, my clit and I feel myself swell and it's so soft and then the deep wet sploosh and she moans and concentrates on my clit and I feel it get hard and big and she uses a little more pressure and then her fingers are flying across me and I tell her to slow down baby and I think I am almost ready to cum but something is missing. I need her whispers. My fingers run through her hair and I pull her closer and tell her I'm keeping my legs spread for her like she wants and I hear her voice say, "yes baby." Keep talking love, please. "You're mine, all mine," she says and that I am going to cum for her and I am moaning louder and telling her please don't stop and feel her legs holding me down and my resistance and her hot breath in my ear telling me, "You're in my hands and you're going to cum, it's all me, and you're all mine. That's it, cum for me, cum." I cannot stop myself at all and I'm throbbing deeply, splooshing, spilling into her hand and she knows and when I move her fingers inside me she yields and although I cannot see it, I feel her smile and I feel completely opened.

Kiss me one more time

It's that time you know you is coming, when the lazy sunday ends and you have to leave each other and you want just a little more. Something to take with you.

She is leaving on a business trip and her bags are packed and the cats have been fed but that bit os sadness is there and I'm looking at her softly. She comes to me and kisses my lips softly at first. I touch her hips and then I am pushed against the edge of the counter with her kiss on my lips and her hands on my face. My sex is wet, throbbing and I want to feel her in my hands. She unbuttons my blouse and takes my nipples in her fingers making them erect, sensitive, erotically charged nuclei setting me on fire. Her tongue pushes into my mouth filling me, and her hands roam my body now, her fingers unzipping my jeans and reaching into my panties, soaked, and my cunt is ready to be filled but she teases my clit over and over and I am throbbing. I want to be bent over the counter and fucked deeply. My hand unzips her pants and I reach into her sex and she is swollen and wet. My fingers reach inside and I am rewarded with her soft moan. I finger her swollen opening and stroke her clit until she cannot stop throbbing. She keeps me on the edge until I cannot stop myself and I shudder, cumming in her hand.

It's time to leave. She drops me at the train on her way to the airport and she is in my head now humming and throbbing the whole way home.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

desire, punishment, pleasure

I am late and terribly excited about seeing her again. I am so eager to get her upstairs to my apartment where I can touch her, feel her hands on my body and her lips on mine. I want to devour her right now, drown in her.

She is sitting on the couch in the lobby and I light when I see her. I apologize for being late but can see she needs more than that. I try to explain and tell her that I didn’t even get all my errands done. She is having none of my weary explanations. She wants to know that it won’t happen again. She is hurt. Can’t she see that she is who I’ve been anxious to see ALL day?

I am getting snarky in my answers as I lay on the floor like a tease while she sits on my couch with that brooding face.

I tell her that even Laura missed her ballet class because the game went so long. That is enough. She comes at me on the floor. Holding me down. I feel her hand slap me and then she sits back on the couch.

My arm is hurt from the force that she used to hold me down. I pick up my glasses which were sent flying from my face and get up and tell her that I’m sorry and to calm down. I need her to be able to calm herself. I want her to so that she can direct her anger in a more controlled way. I want her hands on me. Controlled. The slap shocked me but if she could tell me to bend over now and spank me until she felt her anger leave her, I would be putty after that. I can’t bring myself to tell her. I’m afraid.

She wants to get out and have a date with me. Let’s go to a movie. I look up the times and head out. We go for WHIP IT. Perhaps that will suit us with our feelings in such high gear right now. The on-line movie times are wrong. Not at this theater at 7:30. Let’s find another one. Park Slope. It works. I get the tix and popcorn and we settle in. We banter. The movie is fun and sexy. I fall into her. Lean on her shoulder and hold her arm. When the lights come up, she tells me she is hungry and maybe it’s the food fight scene but she wants a cheeseburger. "What kind I ask?" The greasy slider kind or the big beefy juicy kind with pink juice running down your arms? She wants the MEAT. I take her to this burger joint I love called Bonnie’s Grill and we wait for stools at the counter and both order cheeseburgers even though I’m not really hungry. I will gladly eat it now and regret later. She can't finish hers but I am determined to eat all of mine and I do. I feel so full. My belly. My heart.

My belly is too full to do all the nasty things I want to do. I suggest we just lie down and let things settle. She sits on the couch, I put on music and she strokes my head and we talk a bit but I am just at ease now and want to curl up in her arms.

I make the bed up and get ready. Slip into a camisole. I want to wake up with her looking at me with hungry eyes.

I wake through the night, touching, kissing and feeling full. I touch her softly and she touches me. It must be early morning now and I feel her hand on my ass, slowly moving in circles. I am grinding the mattress now and she begins tapping my
cheeks with the palm of her hand so softly you would not know the suggestion of a spanking if you weren’t looking for it, but I was looking for it. I wanted it. Needed it. Had been craving it all night. The tap tap gets a bit stronger but still so sensual, so soft that it is nothing but erotic, teasing. My sex moistens so much I can feel the sheet now damp beneath me. She lifts her hand slightly higher and slaps me just that much harder but still not enough to raise the colour from my cheeks. I must start groaning because now I hear the smack and want more intensity and I am rewarded as I feel the palm of her hand get hotter. I want to
touch myself but refrain because I know this is her show. The intensity gathers but she never raises her hand that high or hits me so hard that my breath is taken. It is sensual enough to be sweet and stern enough for me to know my place.

She reaches between my legs touches my clit with the tips of her fingers and I am awash in her hand. Her fingers fly across my lips and clit faster and faster and I pant and moan and I raise my ass higher and writhe and squirm. She is on top. She has control. She tells me to cum for her and I think of nothing but her hand on
me, her fingers making me swell and splosh until I feel that tightening in my center, my legs numb, the blood rush to my sex and my brain releases all thought and I cry out loud. I am spent. I so want to please her now with all my heart. I touch her slowly. She is relaxed and proud of pleasing her girl. She should be
deeply rewarded many times over. I touch her nipples and kiss her softly. Her sex is beyond damp. It is almost throbbing and I know if she stays relaxed in this moment, she will cum in my hand easily. I whisper to her how wonderful her touch is while I caress her sex, circling the hole and fingering her knob until I feel it completely swell and she makes the most subtle of groans to tell me that this is right. I whisper how much I need her discipline and her touch, how completely hard I get in her hands. I want her to cum because she deserves this pleasure and I want to give it, whenever she asks me for it, whenever she wants to give it to me.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

dueling dreams

I look at the pictures and recall our more intimate moments. I recall the cane splintering on my backside. I recall binding your hands and feet and your disappointment every time I untied you.

I see my pants around my ankles, bending over the saddle at the sex club, my hands in cuffs and J's belt sending my brain running and my high begins. You, making me your boi bitch in the club, with my boy shorts stuffed in my mouth, my ankles bound and my legs hoisted and tied to the pipes above us, your hands punishing me until I frank.

J in the shower, taking me from behind, and I'm holding onto the bar so that I don't fall and her arm is wrapped tight around my waist, holding me and with her other hand, she opens my vulva, grabs my clit and I am cumming.

J bound to my frame, spread eagle, and her sex is pouty and pretty. She strains against the ropes, sending her silent signal to tighten them. Her full honey colored breasts shine and the nipple rings beckon me to play. I ride her vulva with mine and we kiss. I touch her entire body, stopping at each place that calls me to fuck. I ride her hips, and suck her lips and fill her ass deeply and she calls for more. Thoughts of big red fill me suddenly and I see you pushing him in my ass in the mirror.

I put on my corset today and thought about our shopping excursion that hot day in July. Then I see the image of it torn up in the garbage and it hits me. I put on my leather vest and breathe deeply.

new skin new touch

I think of you, your soft skin under my touch. I think of your hands on my sex, the throbbing rising and rising. I want your mouth on mine. I want to taste your skin. I want you in my hands, pleasuring you.

Take me harder. Fill me. Every hole. Hold me down and make me cum.

The blindfold slips on. I taste your fingers as you feed me. I want to suckle. Give me your breast, your neck, your lips. My tongue and lips teasing the sweetness from your skin.

Pull my body closer. Lift my ass up and hold my cunt in your hands. Make me squirm. "Hold still," you say and my clit is in the tips of your fingers and I swell.

I want to be fucked deeply, filled with your whole hand while your mouth suppresses my cries, sighs, moans, deep mewing.

I want to push my sex into yours and let my vulva swallow yours.

I want to hear your soft moans and feel the swell of your sex as my mouth holds your ear, whispering what a pretty girl you are.

I want to listen later for the heart beating hard and then softer until the purr of sleep overtakes you.